Spring Pilots: Hanasakeru Seishounen

6 04 2009

Hanasakeru Seishounen was my reason for coming to this blog.  When Tekky invited me, he mentioned that there was a particularly ridiculous-looking shoujo series coming out in the spring, and that he wanted someone to blog it.  “Me,” I said instantly.  “I’ll take it.”  From looking at the art, I knew it was going to be overblown, dramatic, and hopelessly sparkly.  What I didn’t know until now (but really should have guessed) was that it was also mysterious and somewhat homoerotic!  In short, this series plugs right into all the pleasure receptors of my brain.

Here have an ugly screenshot collage I made with MSPaint

Here have an ugly screenshot collage I made with MSPaint

Here’s the summary.  Kugami Kajika (let’s not talk about her full name) is the daughter of a powerful American businessman, who has just called her back from Japan (where she was living for some reason for a few months) to pick a husband out of three(?!) guys he deems worthy.  If Kajika falls in love with any of them, that man (and her father) will win the “game.”  Somehow this scheme has something to do with the murder of Kajika’s mother a number of years ago; at this point, the only thing we know for sure is that Kajika is beautiful, brave, and probably also a genius.  The author would really like to have us like Kajika.  A lot.  Do you like Kajika yet?  Might as well hop on the train, because it is clear that every single person in this series is going to fall in love with Kajika.  Some people might hate her and try to kill her, but those will probably be either 1) unreformably evil, or 2) eventually converted to moist-eyed Kajikaism.  So…if you think you might not like Kajika…well, you’re weird.  Sorry.

Anyhow!  As Kajika and her bodyguard approach her new school in a Big Fancy Car, our protagonist is awoken from dreams of frolicking on a tropical beach as a child with one Fan Li Ren and one WTF LEOPARD.  Oh, happy childhood memories with large, carnivorous cats.  Doesn’t everyone have one of those in America?  At the school: Kajika being a beautiful and mysterious transfer student, all the girls in the class instantly fall in love with her; Kajika becomes friends with a Totally Normal Girl named Yui.  When the other girls ask Kajika if she had someone she loved back in America, Kajika describes her wtfleopard (MUSTAFA), which pisses the girls off.

Here's the fellow Kajika would probably marry if it was an option.

Here's the fellow Kajika would probably marry if it was an option.

I myself might be a little put off by the beautiful new girl turning out to be a gigantic furry, but these girls get really nasty and are not pacified until Kajika handfeeds one of them a strawberry.  Uhhhh….well…to be honest, that would probably pacify me too.  Anyway, the point of all this is that Kajika is beautiful and amazing and can do anything.  And is all emo over the death of Mustafa the Wtfleopard.  Also, she talks like a boy.

Kajika has a terribly unbalanced diet.

Kajika has a terribly unbalanced diet.

Kajika is a very AMEEERIKAN GAAAAARU.  She doesn’t have much respect for hierarchies, and immediately pisses off a delinquent by insisting that Delinquent Girl apologize to Yui, whom she bumped into.  Delinquent Girl steps off; Kajika explains that she grew up around adults, and has never had a friend like Yui before.  Yui agrees to be Kajika’s friend always, and Kajika thanks her with an AMEEEERIKAN KIIIISS.  Oh Kajika, you so American, with your predilection for casual intimate physical contact!

NPUCHUUUUU

NPUCHUUUUU

Later, Kajika tells her bodyguard (a young whippersnapper by the impressive name of Toranosuke) to sod off and is walking home with Yui when OH MY GOD!  Delinquent Girl’s Delinquent Buddies show up and insist that Kajika come with them.  Apparently the only thing missing from Kajika’s terrifyingly well-rounded character is any kind of fighting ability, but that issue is smoothly evaded when she proudly agrees to go with them.  Toranosuke intervenes and is able to get Yui away, but Kajika is taken by the delinquents to an abandoned storehouse or something equally ominous.

The delinquents are about to beat Kajika up or sexually assault her or something (it’s the proper thing to do in these situations, you know) when Mr. Lead Delinquent is apparently hypnotized by Kajika’s “pure silver eyes” and declares that Kajika belongs to him.  The other baddies are puzzled and angry; Kajika asks darkly how he intends to make her his when her heart is nowhere to be found.

I dunno guys do you think she has a dark hidden past

I dunno guys do you think she has a dark hidden past

The non-hypnotized delinquents grab sticks…and then they all suddenly have needles sticking out of weird places.  Huh!  Everyone falls down except Kajika, who stays to greet the overenthusiastic acupuncturist – her childhood friend, Fan Li Ren.  And Li Ren is all KAJIKA and Kajika is all LI REN and it looks kind of sexy but this probably means nothing because Kajika’s a crazy American, after all.  OR DOES IT?!

I don't know guys this looks pretty suspicious, I think this series might have some romance in it

I don't know guys this looks pretty suspicious, I think this series might have some romance in it

Yui gets left in Japan, completely confused, while Li Ren accompanies the reluctant Kajika back to America to meet with her father.  On the way, Toranosuke does some sulking because Kajika was bodyguard-twotiming him, but no one really gives a shit.  Kajika tells the story of how she and Li Ren met, though, so I guess that’s worth something.  Apparently Li Ren used to be an emotionless child who, inspired by Kajika’s warmth and life, grew a heart JUST TO LOVE HER. ;O;  Anyway, the point of the story is that Li Ren is unusually mature and capable for his age and it intimidates everyone.  Get over it Toranosuke, you aren’t even in the opening, you aren’t special.

Kajika arrives in good old America and reunites with her good old dad, whom she calls…”Dad.”  In English.  No, I did not just bite my tongue laughing.  In the middle of a heartwarming hug, Kajika suddenly slaps “Daddo” and tells him off for cutting short her stay in Japan.  Don’t worry guys, this is just regular American informality.  Nothing to worry about!  “Daddo” (AKA Harry Burnsworth) reveals that THE WHEELS OF FATE HAVE BEGUN TO MOVE, and that Kajika’s enormous destiny awaits her.  This has something to do with the fact that Kajika was sent to Daddo’s private Caribbean island when she was two years old, after her mother was killed trying to stop Kajika from being kidnapped.  Kajika is anxious to know what this all means, but her father tells her that he will only reveal the truth when Kajika gets married.

Kajika, being, you know, fourteen, says that she can’t wait such a long time – and here we come, finally, to the premise of the show.  Burnsworth challenges Kajika to a game – he has picked out three exceptional young men as potential husbands for her.  Kajika must choose one of them, and get that one to choose her as well; that is the (somewhat nonsensical) challenge.  But who are these extraordinary youths?  Well, he won’t tell Kajika.  Nor do the young men know that they’re part of this game – even though Burnsworth has been watching them, he says, for twelve years. Uhhh…all right!  Because they “shine like jewels,” supposedly Kajika will know these poor victims of her father’s stalker tendencies when she sees them, which I don’t find implausible, because Kajika is already good at everything (except defending herself physically, which is really not so much a flaw as a sexy opportunity when a bunch of people are trying to kill you and a bevy of beautiful boys is hanging around waiting for a chance to save you) – we can just add psychic to the list of Things That Beautiful Awesome Kajika Can Do That No One Else Can.

Kajika accepts the challenge; Burnsworth charges Li Ren with watching over Kajika, since he’s like an older brother to her, and making sure that the men she meets are worthy.  Li Ren agrees, and Burnsworth privately marvels at his self-control, when surely he must be heartbroken that Kajika will be marrying someone else.  Walking down the hall, Li Ren does look a little bit like he’s QQing inside.  Aaaww!  But don’t despair, Li Ren!  You appeared in the opening; your hope need not yet die!

The episode ends with Kajika, back in her room, looking a little down as well.  Why, whatever could be the matter, I wonder?  Is it that you’re being shoved at not one, but three unknown men at the ripe age of fourteen?  No, that’s ridiculous.  The problem is clearly malnutrition from eating nothing but strawberries.

-Menma

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7 responses

6 04 2009
Patches

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hilarious. I’m not sure I’ll watch another bishie show unless it’s going to be like Ouran, but I will read EVERY blog post you do on this one if it’s going to be this funny.

XD

6 04 2009
Cockroach

LOOL!! That has got to be the funniest review i ever read!!! *bookmark* I am dying of laughter right now XDXD *made my day!!*

13 04 2009
tacticalmenmaaction

Thanks, both of you! I’m glad you enjoyed it. 😀 The review of the new episode has just gone up, as well. I think it’s going to be hard for me to wait a week between rage-filled writing sessions 😦

14 04 2009
TWalkman

Hahaha! I read a lot of snarky television/anime reviews but I agree with Cockroach up there, this has got to be the funniest one I’ve ever read 😀 I watched the first episode and decided to drop it but after your equally-great second episode review I might be forced to watch it so I can follow along!

14 11 2009
kiwiegg

haha was dying for the 28th episode to come out hottt from the oven and here i delighted myself with the astonishingly-funniest review EVER. nice work with the wtf-leopard man! cant wait for more reviews ~

11 08 2010
Jade

I’m at ep 13 so did Kajita ends up marring lee ren? Since ramty is her cousin and she’s friend with enugene and Carl. I wish ramty wasn’t related to her I really really like ramty and kajita together >.<

27 10 2013
Aleris Celt

Hahaha omg this was from so long ago, but this review is pure gold xD I love this!!

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